[I have] Autonomic Neuropathy. It's a slow dying process of the nerve endings.
Is there no cure?
No I don't think so. It's alright, there's no cure for life either.
A year and a half ago I wanted change. I wanted a new start, something different. An adventure facing the unknown.
Ask, and you shall receive.
Now, here I am. Feeling like a 5 year that got their wish for as much chocolate cake as they wanted. Or someone who attempted to take a drink from a fire hydrant.
In 16 months, I’ve lived in 2 states, had 3 different jobs, lived in 4 different houses. I wanted change. I definitely got it. Looking back 16 months ago, there’s not much that is the same about my life circumstances. Change in my life has been like a train barreling down the tracks, when I really would have been fine getting off a few stops back.
I have had moments of frustration, denial, and maybe someday I will get to accepting the fact that life is not mine to control. As much as I might try to influence circumstances and outcomes, life won’t play by my rules. The past year, I’ve been blessed in ways that I didn’t deserve, and disappointed when the last thing I expected was to be let down. I can’t tell you the number of times the outcomes in my life were the opposite of my expectations- in good ways and bad.
What fascinates me about humans, is that as frustrated as we may be about life not being in our control, we often fail to control the one thing we can: our reaction. I think it’s a bit different for everyone- but we all seem to have coping mechanisms. It seems so bizarre that when I am frustrated that life has handed me a situation I can’t control, I react impulsively. Autopilot kicks in- I relinquish my control to things that I think will give me comfort (or in other words, my money to zappos.com).
I love how the message puts Galatians 5:1 : Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.
While I may not have all the answers as to why my life seems to be in a constant state of evolution, I would be amiss to not try any learn something from my circumstances. Maybe change is here to teach me- I don’t need to control everything. Nor should I be controlled by anything. Life is meant to be lived in freedom. Change seems to be the thing that’s removing barriers from me living in freedom- maybe it’s time I get excited about it again.